I've had one hell of a time as the owner of the Pirates; all coming purely at your expense. The amount of money that I've made is nothing short of a windfall. All because PNC Park is the finest ballpark in America. And you suckers just keep coming out in droves.
No matter how shitty the team I field is. No matter how expensive the concessions and parking are. You think I give a fuck about you and your financial woes... No way!!! I'm getting stink rich. BWAHAHAHA!!!
I am a heartless, gutless, and evil man. Why would I give a shit about winning when I was born with the largest silver spoon in West Virginia up my tight wad ass? I care about one thing and one thing only: getting the maximum returns on my daddy's money. Fault me you say? Fuck you!!! You are just an ignorant yinzer; desperate to see baseball. And I know this.
You are my personal hostage on a one way ticket to baseball hell...
I own you. You are a slave to me. And it's goddamn glorious!!!
I especially love providing a false sense of hope; only to pull the rug out from underneath you at the trade deadline. Even I know the moves we make are asinine. But who the hell cares anyway?
Neal Huntington was the cheapest piece of shit we could find. You think I'd be stupid enough to pay for a real GM?!? Common now... you are dreaming my naive friend.
I'm making oodles of money. So what if all of my contemporaries are self made, ultra competitive, and willing to do whatever it takes to win?!?
I actually hope that Gerrit Cole stays in the minors so long he blows his arm out. That way you will be misled with false promise for years; and I pay nothing!!!! YAY!!!
But guess what, fool. I don't give a fuck.
I'm just as happy as a clam. Can you really blame me?
See you at the ballpark...
Sincerely Yours,
Bob Nutting
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